My Reality 5E: Trust and Faith

The “‘s’” process of having children was now a chore; a routine that was determined by menstrual cycle, ovulation dates and “positive’ effect of sperm-increasing drugs on Omin but certainly not pleasure or attraction. Your tiredness, stress at work, disappointments of the day, lack of interest, emotional distraughtness, physical exhaustion and a general depressed state of mind was never accounted for when the “s” process was required. Like a robot, a mindless machine you force or compel yourself to engage in the process. It was really tough especially seeing my “biological clock” ticking away, getting older in age and seeing younger couples who just got married, getting pregnant immediately effortlessly. What about “unplanned and unwanted” pregnancies? I planned, wanted and spent almost all our finances on getting pregnant and yet no result. What about aborted babies and motherless-babies? It’s so depressing to see all these and not understand why I am barren. I wished I was not married but I love Omin.

Gabriel….my big brother! The last time we spoke, he was on his way to Kaduna State for rural water installation…ladies and gentlemen….Gabriel Omin is her husband, my very good friend…I call him Big Brother. How is he?

He is very fine, misses his children very much and if you are watching,…I love you very much….hahahaaaaaa…Thank you for being my friend and confidant…for being patient with me and understanding… I appreciate you…

this is an integral part or… actually the core survival element of any family going through barren issues…a loving and understanding support of spouses especially the men… we will definitely bring a Man to discuss this issue from a male perspective.

Now, I know experiences differ especially based on culture, race and class but for us our experiences are essentially based on culture…how was it been a childless mother with a communal village background?

Let me start with this premise; I am from Africa and there is a great deal on having “male” children. A woman without a male child is regarded as not having given birth to children yet because the girl-child is of no or low significance or importance in our custom and tradition. Female children never partook in any family discussions and decisions; they never shared in any family properties or inheritances because female children do not carry on the family name. They have no place of importance or recognition in the communal society. They are treated like second class citizens in their own homes and communities and tools for procreation. But my case was uniquely worse; I had neither male nor female. As bad as the woman with female children is treated because she has no male child, she was better than me because whilst they still recognized her as a mother, I had no status at all. I was not regarded as a wife because wives give birth to children; I was not regarded as a mother because mothers have babies. I was nothing. It is more than I can say but my African sister will appreciate the detailed agony of being “nothing”. That is why I understood what Hannah was going through in 1st Samuel 1:8, 13 and 15…please can you open it and read it.

Hold on….Yes, you said 1st Samuel 1: 8…Ok…reading now “Then said elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? And why eatest thou not? And why is thy heart grieved?”…. Verse 13 “now Hannah, she spake in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli thought she had been drunken.” …Verse 15 “and Hannah answered and said, no, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the lord.”…Ok

You can see how grieved she was; even her husband could not pacify her…Proverbs 13:12 is right.

Follows me next time on this episode of My Reality; Trust and Faith

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