My reality; one that plagues every Woman from all races and religious beliefs; the reason why I was in the hospital for the umpteenth time as I thought to myself…
“When will this tests end… when will this needle piercing and blood/urine taking end?
When will I get my life back?
As usual, my soliloquy and rhetoric are not helpful. I mean who has a reply? Of course no one can or could answer that question; not even science.
Omin is a good and godly Man. He has been patient, faithful but most importantly understanding.
Indeed I am blessed but I still wanted more like Hannah. Yes, Elkanah was good, loving and understanding of her predicament but that was not enough for Hannah…she is a Woman and like every other Woman, she felt no joy just been a wife… that is good but not enough.
Omin was in the drama unit of the campus fellowship and it was in one of their rehearsals in our room that we met and Adaora noticed our attraction and did her thing. Even after school, when he went off to Adamawa State to do his National Youth Service Program, it was Adaora that kept us both motivated to still remain in touch even though she and I were posted to Ibadan. Every time I think of how honest and dedicated (to me) Omin has been, I wonder whether my agony is my personal lack of fulfillment as a wife or seeing my Omin lacking the pride of fatherhood. I wished he blamed me for everything and reacted like most men would; abandon their wife or worse still, chase her out and marry another or take advantage of the situation to have multiple sexual relationships to either spite you or get want they want. Rather, every time he sees me crying, he blamed himself for not being sensitive and comforting enough and this made me feel worse because such a Man does not deserve to suffer like this. He says he is not suffering because he is not desperate. He says he is contented having me in his life; in fact he jokes about it saying … “babe, see it as Honeymoon… are we not blessed…no kids to disturb our romantic times…Now, how many couples get to do honeymoon for years”.
I found that joke annoying and then subsequently every other joke about anything at all.
I know he is a busy Man because of the nature of his job with the NGO which entailed a lot of travelling but I cannot shake off the feeling that it is also a ploy to keep me a long distance away from his family members.
You see! its been a very long while we went to see his widowed Mom in the village and his two sisters in Taraba State and his elder brother in Umuahia, Abia State. I know tongues are already wagging and I suspect especially from his sisters… I don’t know why women are the worst enemies of themselves especially over matters of this nature… Peninnah against Hannah is a case in point.
The lab assistant’s tap shuddered me; she has been standing by my side for a little while calling my name but I was deep in thoughts…. “Madam, my boss is around now… she has been waiting for you”… I quickly walked down the corridor into the lab and found Adaora with a frowning face and her phone in her hand… “Where have you been? I have been calling your number for almost an hour? My assistant said she saw you at the lobby and I did not believe her.”… I checked my phone and yes, she was right, I saw her nineteen missed calls.
My head dropped with intense migraine and my bank of tear broke with uncontrolled tears streaming down my cheek. She immediately hugged me and held me close and whispered into me hears… “I understand, God is working it all out…you will see it soon…you will smile soon and all these will be your testimony of His goodness… don’t cry.” I doubted and questioned all I knew about God but she smiled and said… “Guess what… He is smiling too”
Follows me next time on this episode of My Reality; Trust and Faith